Emotional. Intelligence is a skill whereby people can read other people and adapt their behaviour to fit the other person’s which brings them success in relationships, working with others, and being more successfully persuasive. The four corner stones are self-management, self-awareness, social awareness, and relationship management.
Emotional Wisdom is understanding how emotions work, how they are triggered within you, and how you react or respond to the emotions. For any psychology buffs out there, it also has a updated understanding of the psyche in particular a new definition of how the id, ego, and super-ego work together. With the information of Emotional Wisdom Theory, a person can find out how they react to things, and why, and then choose to respond differently. By taking different actions, they train their brain (taking consistent action rewires the neural connections in the brain, literally changing your patterned behaviour) and find themselves taking more conscious action, and responding more wisely to events, incidents, and accidents that occur in life. More wisely simply means acting and responding in ways you want, how you want to show up in the world, versus what most of us do is react unconsciously to life, sometimes in ways we are not proud of or regret.
Emotional Intelligence is a skill that comes naturally to some people and it can be learned. I got through life being emotionally intelligent. My particular skill was being able to sense and read what people wanted and I would give them that version of me. This was very unconscious, and to my own detriment. I wanted to be liked, so I would show up likable to that person. This was good for making friends, getting jobs, and for being liked (my ultimate goal-which was not a conscious goal), however, I did a huge disservice to myself. I sacrificed myself, what I liked, and what I wanted. Sometimes this drive to be liked had me paired with friends or situations I didn’t want to be in. I didn’t know how to say no. Emotional Intelligence is a good skill to have, however many times, like IQ, it isn’t a conscious skill. There are many books and blogs out there to support learning about Emotional Intelligence like Daniel Goleman’s book “Emotional Intelligence”.
Emotional Wisdom is a complete body of theory and practical steps that can be taught and utilized to live a more conscious life. Using Emotional Wisdom techniques is how I found out my need to be liked. It is how I learned about the importance of assertive communication, how to say no, and how to find out what I liked and loved, so I could make choices that supported me. Many people are taught to put themselves aside, and doing things for themselves is selfish. I use, as do many others, the analogy of being on an airplane, when the oxygen masks drop down because there is an issue with the airplane. You are instructed to put on your own mask first before helping others. If you are not nurturing your soul, your needs, your desires, you are not being the best you. When you are the best you, you can be the best for others. I used to be so drained, and unhappy, and even worse I was in situations that were not good for me or others. This type of result is due to the energy of the situation –doing things for others at the expense of yourself. When there is that type of expense, you end up having a “debt”. That debt could be energy, a negative circumstance, repercussions from an unwise decision.
Similar to Emotional Inteligence, Emotional Wisdom also teaches how to honour and understand your emotions. Most people react when they are emotional, it is natural. However most people do not really understand what is happening when they are experiencing heightened emotion. It can be quite chaotic and dizzying. Being overtaken and being out of control by emotion is mostly due to the fact we are not taught to understand emotions fully, how they work, or how to work with them when they come up. We are taught by society and people we know, from a very young age, that emotional expression is inappropriate in certain situations, or certain emotions like anger and sadness are inappropriate any time to express, and we are taught to push them down and burry them into ourselves. The classic statements that are said to children exemplify our understanding of emotions: “Don’t cry”, “It isn’t that bad”, “Quit laughing so loudly”, “Quit crying or I will give you something to cry about”, “Shut up”. The latter two I do not like at all but they are said to children by adults.
Emotional Wisdom gives practical ways to work with your emotions so you can express them more wisely, and honour them when they do come up. Pushing things down does work for short periods of time, and might still be necessary at times- (If you are mad at your boss you can’t just yell at him or her for example). However continually pushing down emotions is linked to illness, stress, anxiety, and makes the person more likely to “snap” when they cannot push down emotions any longer.
With Emotional Wisdom skills and knowledge a person knows how to recognize when an emotion is triggered, and that understanding offers a moment of creating space between themselves and the emotion, from which they can apply a deeper understanding to the emotion, and make conscious decisions about how to respond. The understanding and honoring of the emotion supports more wise reactions to emotions. We are human, and emotions are part of our human experience. Even with understanding Emotional Wisdom Theory and practices, a person will still have emotional reactions, however what they do with those reactions afterwards, how they respond to them, is what is the major difference.
Emotional Wisdom is a game changer. Like its predecessor Emotional Intelligence, using Emotional Wisdom skills, practices, and theory builds healthier relationships, reduced stress and anxiety, and improves your success in life. Emotional Wisdom is a full theory and skills that when applied consistently rewires the connections in your brain, so you find you respond more wisely more often. The difference is that Emotional Wisdom goes to the core of the how things work, so you can work with yourself and your natural processes to be the best you, shining brightly as yourself.